Raven Vamir

[kiraofmindelan]

Player

[/u][/center]
Alias: Lea
Gender: Female
Contact:
Location/Time Zone: USA, Pacific time

<Character

[/u][/center]
Name: Raven Vamir
Gender: Female
Age: 23
City: Port Caynn
Status: Pirate Captain

Personality Raven is very stubborn and once she's made up her mind she won't change it. She's a natural leader, having proved this on many long and harsh ship voyages and pillages. She is a loyal friend to anyone who is kind to her and will be there for them. Raven is also blunt, asking things point out instead of beating around the bush and tends to pry into things a little too far but her good friends don't mind luckily. She's a Rouge by nature, stealing often and good at it too.

-Personality Flaw: Raven has a fierce temper, resulting in many enemies. If she can manage to bend her temper it occasionally works to her good side, making her fighting fiercer but often it just gets her a lot of punishment. She takes it often with more shouting or complaining and gets even more, that's what most often happens. She'll lose her temper if anyone is being really annoying or asking stupid questions or things like that. Raven isn't a bully, in fact she hates starting fights with people younger than her. Most often it's just people older than her whom she picks fights with, and often enough when they are picking on people smaller than them.

Appearance
Raven has dark brown hair, so dark it looks like black, that falls down to her shoulders and a little longer. She has chocolaty brown eyes and is 6 feet 1 inch, fairly tall. A long scar covers from her eye down to her chin on one side of her face from a fight with a kid when she was young. Her chin is shorter than most, for no apparent reason and Raven has grown used to it. Most people don't notice.

-Appearance Flaw:Raven's nose is bent unnaturally to the right, not noticeable from afar but if you study her face from closer up you can see. It doesn't bug her, it doesn't even bug her when people think it's ugly, great for them, she doesn't care what people think of her.

History Raven Vamir was born to Lilia and Jaren Vamir in Port Caynn. She had no brothers or sisters and she never saw her father because he was a sailor at sea. Her mother was a seamstress and often to busy to pay much attention to her so she was often left to her own wits. The girl was fascinated by her father's tales during the short periods he stayed at home and loved the sea from an early age. She would often skip down to the docks and watch ships departing and docking. When she wasn't, she was often getting into fights in the alleyways with some of the older boys.

Tragically, Raven's father died at sea - his ship crashed into a rock - when she was 8, leaving her mother in such a state of shock that she died only a month later leaving Raven to her own wits. Raven was able to steal for food but still went down to the waterfront every evening to watch ships come and go. She even began sleeping around the docks. Then one day, when she was about 10, the stealing ended abruptly. No one saw Raven again around Port Caynn for several years. That was because she was on a ship, sailing around the oceans as a cabin girl.

See, the former Pirate Captain was just waking up one day at the docks when a grizzled old man with a patch eye came up to her. He offered her a place to stay and food if she would work for him. She eyed him nervously at first but then accepted. It turned out the work was on his Pirate Ship, and a grand ship it was. The captain's name was Captain Red and he brought her under his arm into the crew. She started out as a cabin girl then worked her way up, by the age of 17 she became one of the highest ranking officers. No one, not even Raven, can truly explain how she got to such a rank at that age but she'd never be the one to turn down such a gift.

She stayed with the crew and it's dedicated captain for many a day, or more specifically, 11 years. It was on her 21st birthday that Raven felt the desire to captain her own crew. She had enough money saved up to buy a ship, even a grand one. She waited for a while though, she didn't want to be disloyal to Captain Red's crew but he saw what she was thinking and laughed and said, "Go my girl, start yer own crew if that's what ye be thinking." Raven smiled, and laughed even and the next day purchased her own ship, a clean deal. The ship was a sloop and called the "The Eclipse".

It's been 2 years since Raven Vamir started her crew and it has grown considerably. She's still looking for someone very trustworthy to be her First Mate but the crew's doing well. In fact she very much enjoys being the captain and always being followed by Patch-eyed Joe, her trusty parrot. Her crew is loyal, almost all the time and her reputation at fighting, especially with a gun has spread ocean-wide.

Family
Jaren Vamir - father - Sailor - dead
Lilia Vamir - mother - Seamstress - dead

[Queen Amedessa of Conté]

All right, I've got lots of revisions for you! First, feel free to go ahead and delete the little parts from the application like

(i.e. USA, CST)

(Port Caynn or Corus)

and

(Aristocrat, Carpenter, Pirate, etc.

Next, I would appreciate it if you went through and did a quick brush up on some of the spelling and grammatical errors. For the most part it's fine, but you had a few run on sentences that got a little confusing the first read-through. This is one of your run on sentences:

She dislikes most animals except horses and other animals that can be ridden and thinks that they are just useless.

I like Kira's personality––it's very antagonistic. However, it also seems bully-ish and I have a feeling that's not what you're aiming for. So maybe just add a detail or two more on why she springs so quickly into fights. I understand that her temper is one reason, but maybe explain what ignites it (aside from just stupid people ).

I don't like the idea of Kira's deformed foot; it leaves to many areas of grey. It would not make sense to have her be a page and have a deformed foot as it would make things slightly difficult for her. Also seeing as she has a family of healers, her scars probably would not be so visible nor her foot so deformed as both could be healed.

The healing Gift of the family is one of my chief problems with this application. I want to keep it tight on here on which characters do and don't have the Gift, because RPGs have a tendency to end up with too many people having healing abilities, etc. I would prefer it if you could alter your family so that they are without the Gift, or change your character to perhaps a student studying at the University.

Your history is fine, but the time period of the game is going to be totally different than in the books. Archery will have become more of a pasttime; a page would practice marksmanship with a musket and other types of firearms instead. The training would also be less rigorous and involve more of practicing more "modern" fencing, as well as necessary court skills and etiquette. Basically the "knight" training remains more of a tradition and an honourable title than a precise occupation (unless in times of war when knights are expected to perform as officers). We will have a timeline up sometime this weekend to help establish that, so don't feel bad if you did catch on to that right away.

Lastly, I want to mention that Mindelan in this game has been made a County. As a daughter of an Earl, Kira and her twin would be more likely to study at the Convent or the University than as pages. If you still would like them to be pages, review the "Fief List" and pick any "fief" that is not a duchy, marquessate, county or barony. If it interests you, Kira could also study at the Royal Naval Acadamy.

That's all for now. I know it's a lot, but you're my first application so I had plenty of time to give you feedback. Post a response when you have made any changes, or if you have questions about changes I may have suggested.

[kiraofmindelan]

Wow, there's so much I didn't realize. Alright, I'll brush up a little, not right now I have to leave soon but sometime soon. Be warned- I might completely change my character.; I've been know to do that. . A question too. What is the Royal Navy Academy like?

[Queen Amedessa of Conté]

Sounds fine to me. Just post a response in this thread telling me that you have edited your application.

The Royal Naval Acadamy generally admits nobles, illegitimate nobles or extremely wealthy commoners to study sailing and what it takes to be an officer in the Royal Navy. I'm still working out its quirks, but it's definitely an option. As a student there, Kira would have the option of going to sea and studying under a Navy captain (NPC for now until we get one) on his ship. Or if you are going to make Kira older (later twenties, probably) she could be a captain in the Royal Navy.

If you wanted to go a totally different route than the navy, she could always just be a pirate. It all depends on what interests you!

[kiraofmindelan]

Well I did go a totally different way and.. um.. kinda even changed her name . Anyways, I hope it's ok now.

[Queen Amedessa of Conté]

Much better! If you are going to have a ship, I need you to name it, and choose what type of vessel it is. Sloops tended to be a pirate's "vessel of choice", so I would recommend that. If you have another type of ship in mind, you are more than welcome to use it––it's entirely up to you.

I do suggest that maybe you have Raven's father be a sailor and say he died at sea. That way you could maybe suggest that Raven was fascinated with her father's tales about the sea and found them exciting, and you would also have more to say than he just "died".

Otherwise I think you're good to go!

[kiraofmindelan]

That good now?