|
Post by Tiara of Pirates Swoop on Dec 12, 2007 23:08:02 GMT -5
Player [/u][/center] Alias:Joanna Gender:Female Contact: Location/Time Zone: Eastern USA Character [/u][/center] Name:Tiara of Pirate’s Swoop Gender:Female Age:26 City: Port Caynn Status: Aristocrat Personality Tiara is a strong, loving person with high esteem. She knows how to lead others and rule a house hold. She’s a bit rough. She’s not easily intimidated. Nor does she allow others to tell her what to do. She says what she thinks when she thinks it. She’s loyal to those she loves and cares about. If a person should hurt someone she loves woe to them. She is a bit of a tomb boy. She loves sitting astride a horse with a sword in her hand and doesn’t care about what people think of her. Personality Flaw: Tiara sometimes gets into trouble with her quick tongue and hot temper. She swears a little too much and isn’t exactly lady like. She fits in much better with men then women. Appearance Tiara stands about 5 feet and 6 inches tall. She weighs around 115 pounds. She’s slender and strong. Tiara has long, straight, blond hair with natural dark highlights. Her eyes are a dark brown and she has pale, baby smooth skin. She has a pointed nose and her eyes are slanted. Tiara has naturally rosy cheeks and dimples when she smiles. She has full lips and her eyes sparkle with life. Tiara usually wears her hair up in a braid to keep it out of her face. Instead of wearing dresses, she prefers a tunic and pants. Her pants are normally made of leather and her tunics are silk. She carries a brown leather shoulder bag with her everywhere. Inside her leather boots she hides a Varity of knives and small weapons. -Appearance Flaw: Tiara isn’t exactly a beautiful woman but she isn’t ugly either. She’s rather plain looking. Her nose is pointy and her eyes are slightly slanted. She has small hands and small feet with a slender and tall body. She has a small scar above her right eyebrow and a scar on her arm from a fire she was in as a child.
|
|
|
Post by Tiara of Pirates Swoop on Dec 12, 2007 23:15:23 GMT -5
I might edit this some more. I'm not really happy with the character application, but i wanted to put it up anyway. Just to get some feed back.
|
|
|
Post by Queen Amedessa of Conté on Dec 12, 2007 23:41:44 GMT -5
Heya! Okay, I'll get to what I can right now:
This is a very choppy paragraph here, the sentences seem a little fragmented. I also believe you mean "shows", "whatsoever" and "to". The last sentence is most definitely a fragment.
I'd like for you to go a little more in depth about her personality and appearance. We don't need the exact measurements of her height and weight, but more of a general study of her appearance as a whole. The accepted applications will give you a pretty good example of what I am looking for.
The history definitely needs to be beefed up. I need to not know simply what happened in her life, but a history behind what happened, why she has become the person she is, what has affected how she feels about things, et cetera et cetera. Again, the accepted applications on here are good references for writing histories.
Also, I wanted to recommend running your post through a spellcheck... but I think it would be better to reread through what you have and make sure you are using the correct wording. Sometimes you use a different word, and spell it right, so the spellchecker won't catch it––but it's the wrong word for what you're trying to say.
Whoofta. I hope this doesn't scare you off. xD
|
|
|
Post by Tiara of Pirates Swoop on Dec 13, 2007 10:00:39 GMT -5
I need to stop posting things when I am tired. I do believe that is one of my worst applications I have ever put in before! Dont worry, you didnt scare me off! I'll have a revised addition up soon.
|
|
|
Post by Princess Sarafina of Conté on Dec 14, 2007 9:35:28 GMT -5
Could you possibly give ages to her family? I'm curious to see ^^,
That was the ending of your history, and I can't rightly tell if that was supposed to be the end or if you still had more to add. I know Roy already said to expand on your history, but I really want to emphasize that point. A history can really shape personalities and give good references and ideas for later plots. For me, it even helps me write their personality.
What I want to know is why she is so protective of her friends? Why does she love her country so deeply? Are there any particular events in her life that caused her to have such a strong passion for sending out a tough, macho, strong image instead of the soft, gentle one of a noblewoman? I mean, if she really is a feminine woman why does she put off this 'hard as stone' image?
Just some things to think about!
|
|
|
Post by Tiara of Pirates Swoop on Jan 6, 2008 13:05:32 GMT -5
I'm really sorry it has taken me so long to get my character application in. I've been really busy lately. Then I got sick. Am still sick. I decided to go ahead and modify my character app anyway. I dont have the history written yet. But the rest is up there. I'll add the history as soon as i get it done.
|
|
|
Post by Duke Gideon of Genlith on Jan 11, 2008 8:49:44 GMT -5
That's quite all right Joanna! Take as much time as you need.
|
|
|
Post by Queen Amedessa of Conté on Apr 1, 2008 23:12:13 GMT -5
I'm giving this application one more week before I take it down.
|
|